Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
