We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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