My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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