Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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