Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
