im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Operation Purity has been aborted
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
