maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I am mentally ready for anal.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
