did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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