oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
