i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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