mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
