that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
