Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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