they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
