I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
