I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
