oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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