Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
