you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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