therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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