you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
