This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Someone shattered a urinal.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
