Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
