Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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