i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
