Just fell off a train. Bad.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
