I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
