Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
