Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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