We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm having to shit out rocks
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
