im about as happy as oj after his trial
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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