I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
