oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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