How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
