The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
