Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
