So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
