i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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