You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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