Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
