I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
