____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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