she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
