I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
