im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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