Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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