I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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