I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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