then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
