my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
